I am not giving up

Here we are in the final days of 2008...and I still have LOTS of weight to lose. You'll notice that the blog title has changed a little. I couldn't leave it as "Losing the Weight in 2008" since it won't be 2008 much longer. I am really disappointed in myself. I had hoped that a few more of these pounds would be gone, and they aren't. I had hoped to be further along in the journey, but I'm not. I guess the important thing is that I am not giving up. This year has been filled with lots of change. With my girl starting school, I have discovered that it is almost more work than having her at home...fun, but work! I have also had some medical stuff, which I won't go into here, but suffice it to say, it has effected me physically and emotionally. I have also taken a part time job, which may sound like a piece of cake, but let me assure you it isn't. It is taking some adjustment for me and for my family. It will be great because I enjoy what I do and we certainly need the money, but nonetheless, it is a change!

As I stand on the doorstep of 2009, I see the continuation of my weight loss journey. I do not consider it another new year's resolution. It is simply a new year to give thanks and do the best I possibly can with what God has graciously given me. That includes this body of mine. I am going to claim the victory that I have LOST in 2008, and have not gained. (I was able to purchase a new pair of jeans that were 2 sizes smaller than my old pair!) I am going to walk forward with determination and joy!

So there you have it. Another day in the journey...losing the weight "one pound at a time in 2009!"

A few more...

Another opportunity to weigh in...a few more pounds gone forever...forever.

Don't judge...

I thought this post was well written. Please don't judge a fat person by their fat. Please.

What a difference a day makes...

Today I had to go in to see the doctor again. I was just there on Thursday, but today required another visit. Anyway, in the 3 1/2 days since my last visit, I have lost an additional TWO pounds. Victory. And tonight at Bunco, I had UNsweet tea to drink, and took three small bites of the cake for dessert. After my three bites, I was done...I didn't want anymore, and I didn't feel any obligation to keep eating it. I simply tossed it away before I began mindlessly eating it, and moved on to fun and fellowship with friends. Victory.

I'd say it's been a good week...and it's only Monday!!!

What have we been up to?

I think I will let the pictures speak for themselves...pumpkin patch, and mini-golf to celebrate Natalie's excellent first report card! :)

Even Better

Sarah's comment about my crazy month really made me stop and think. I DID have an insanely busy month. Working at Mother's Day Out has really thrown us for a curve ball when it comes to keeping everything else done around here. On top of that was my crazy-busy 10-days working the childrens consignment sale...nuts! When you add being full-time mommy to my kids, and wife to Nathaniel, along with church committees, praise team rehearsals, volunteering in Natalie's class at school, and the day-to-day job of running a home...well, I would say that makes for a crazy month. Through it all I have not reached for Dr Pepper (my usual comfort food!) - NOT ONE TIME - nor have I reached for sugary sweets (only natural sugars like fruit for me!). That in itself is a victory...friends, you have no idea the addiction I had to Dr Pepper! The one time I accidentally sipped from Nathaniel's cup instead of mine, I nearly gagged...it was his DP and it was so sweet I couldn't stand it. The Lord has delivered me from this addiction, because I truly believe that it is a miracle for me to have NO DESIRE for that special carbonated beverage. Victory indeed! Goodbye five pounds, hello to roomier jeans (can you believe it?), and the step towards feeling better about myself!

30 days

In the last 30 days I have lost five pounds. I am glad. My doctor noticed and said I should celebrate the victory. He is wise. Goodbye five, I will NEVER see you again. And for today, I will continue following the plan...and hopefully, in another 30 days, five more pounds (or more!) will be gone forever. Yes...I will celebrate the victory.

Still...

Still fat.

Still frustrated.

Still mad.

Still wanting change.

Still determined.

Still hoping.

Still trying.

I made it!

I made it to the gym this week. Not as many times as I had hoped, but I made it nonetheless!

I am super sore...and it is exciting! :)

Back At It

I can't wait for school to start! Natalie will be starting Kindergarten, and Levi will be my big boy in the two's class at Mother's Day Out. They are ready, which makes it easy to say I am ready :)

I am ready for many reasons...but one of them relates directly to this little blog. The first day of school will also be my first day back on a routine. This summer, with our move, I have fallen off of the wagon so-to-speak, not to mention that I cannot afford to pay for childcare for both of them 3-5 times a week! YIKES!! I haven't made it to the gym like I had hoped, but I have not lost hope!

I am jumping back on the wagon, and I will find a new normal...a new routine for myself. I will be watching even more closely the things I put into my body, and I will be back to checking the calendar for opportunities to work out at the gym. So here's to school starting, and here's to a new routine, and a new chance to learn to love me even more!

Thanks Alot

Today I was in a local business making a purchase for Natalie. As I was checking out, the lady behind the counter says to me,

"Is this for the new baby on the way?"

What?!? New Baby on the way?!?!?

Though I wanted to shout "I AM NOT PREGNANT!!", I refrained and simply replied, "This is for Miss Natalie for her room!"

Being fat is hard...

I'm a loser, and I don't mean the good kind

I wish I could say I was a loser, and mean that I was losing weight. Who knows, I might be, but I am seriously doubting it. I haven't been on the scales for some time, and honestly, I haven't made it to the gym in a couple of weeks.

We have some BIG stuff going on around our house, and I haven't made the gym a priority. Once the 'stuff' clears out a little, I fully intend to make it back to the gym! Really, I mean it!

For now, I ma trying not to lose any ground I had already covered, and I am trying to make smart choices about food. Folks, that isn't easy with big stuff brewing, but I am trying and that counts for something.

So basically, all of this makes me a loser: one who hasn't posted in some time because there is nothing worth posting!

Sorry! hopefully soon I can be back to my motivated self! Until then, just pray for me, will ya?

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been around much...it's May and I am just trying to make it through!

Hopefully I will be back soon with some good news about lost pounds or something. Until then, I need to pay attention to what I am putting into my mouth!

FYI

It is May...an emotional charged month for me. I hate May. I mean, I love the spring, and I love the end of school fun, and I love hanging out with my family, but I hate May. May is a month of memories...hard and painful memories of losing Carson.

It makes me want to eat. That's what I do...I eat to soothe my emotions. I eat when I am sad, and I eat when I am angry, and I eat when I am disappointed, and I eat when I have the blues...let's face it, I am an emotional eater.

But not this May. I am going to try to be intentional about minding my appetite and the urge to eat. I am going to try to fill the moments with other things besides eating. We will see how it goes!

New

I attended the new BodyPump class today at my gym. New music and new moves...it was great. I'll admit I had put it off for over a week because I was scared that I would feel like a loser if the workout was too difficult. What I discovered is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I wonder if this plays over in other areas of my life? Am I a better cook than I think I am? Am I a better mother than I think I am? Am I a better wife? Daughter? Sister? Gardener? The list goes on and on...

I think I have learned something...to believe in myself even though it may not come naturally. Besides, the only way I am going to know if I am any good at something is to try, and keep trying. I don't ever want to have a big head and assume I am the best, but I think it is okay to give myself a little credit once in a while? Am I right here?

What do you think? What are you putting off because you think you might not be 'good enough'? Let me encourage you to give it a try! You just might find that you are stronger than you think! :)

Must.Drink.More.Water

I am still struggling to get in my daily water!

I have tried a couple of different things, but nothing seems to work. What are your suggestions> What works for you?

Victory

I am smiling right now. This morning I pulled a shirt from the closet that I had purchased at a garage sale (surprise, surprise) about 6-8 months ago. When I got it home and tried it on, it was too snug in the upper arms and around the tummy for me to feel comfortable wearing it out anywhere. At the time, I shoved it back in the closet wondering if I would ever not be this fat, ugly person.

Well, fast forward to this morning. I pulled it from the closet, thinking I would give it a try. I haven't really noticed any change on the scales (sigh) but I did notice that the capris I wore yesterday were big enough that I tugged on them all day. Of course I told myself they just needed a good laundering and they wouldn't be big, but I digress.

Why I decided to give the shirt a try today doesn't make sense, but I believe it was a nudge from the Lord, who knew I needed some encouragement. When I put the shirt on, it fit great! Not too tight in the arms, and definitely not snug around the tummy. WooHoo!

I guess this goes to show me that even though I may not be losing super huge amounts of pounds right now, that my body is changing and responding to all of my trips to the gym...and that's a good thing! Victory!

Lesson learned

So today I had two Dr Peppers. I know, I know. Bad, very bad! But hey, we all fall off of the wagon sometimes, right?

Anyway, this evening as we were driving home, I realized I had a headache. It was right between my eyes, and it reminded me of past headaches. HMMM? Thinking, thinking...Oh yeah. I know the ones...the headaches I would get while I was pregnant if my blood sugar was high. That was the one!

Not to worry, I have learned my lesson. And I almost consider it a victory. There was a time I was consuming so much Dr Pepper that I am convinced it was running through my veins. But now, after having been off of them for several months, my body can actually communicate with me again! It was able to say, "Hello Anne...this much sugar is not normal for you anymore! It doesn't make you feel good!! We like the new no-dr-pepper-you!! Put down that cup!!"

And I listened! Victory...one step at a time!

Don't ask...

Don't ask what I had for dinner tonight. Just celebrate with me that tomorrow is a new day!

Sore!

I did my BodyPump class today...I love it! I upped the weight on my bar, and boy am I feeling it. And those crunches...OOOEEEE! But I still love it!

By the way...being fat is hard, and I hate it.

I LOVE This...

I saw this on an AOL message board and I LOVE it...it speaks to me!

Being fat is hard.
Losing weight is hard.
Maintaining is hard.
Choose your hard.

WOW!!

Moving Along...

Yesterday I met a friend at the gym for some ab work and cardio on the treadmill. I was at the gym a little early so I decided to do some warming up by walking 10 minutes on the treadmill. I set the speed at my usual number, walked the ten minutes, and then realized that I wasn't even winded! WooHoo! That means I need to kick it up a notch, and more importantly, it means I am getting stronger; my heart is getting healthier! I was so excited, feeling like I had accomplished something big. I know it is just a small step, and that I still have a LONG way to go, but it's okay to celebrate the little things, right?

I went on to work through some ab stuff, and then spent another 30 minutes on the treadmill at an increased speed. It was a great workout day for me!

Today, I went to my first BodyVive class. I have really been loving the BodyPump, but wanted to try this other class, and today there was one in the morning that I could attend. It was fun, but very different from any other exercise class I have been in. I felt good afterwards, and I am sure I will go back again!

I won't lie and say that this transition is going easily and without hitch. It is hard to train your mind and your body to do something that it hasn't done for too long, but every day I wake up committed. I am still struggling with the whole water thing, but it is getting better. I am being much more careful about what goes into my mouth, which is not altogether easy considering the volumes of Easter candy my children keep bringing home!

Hopefully soon the scales will begin to reflect the time and effort I am putting into building a better me. Hopefully soon my clothes will begin to fit more loosely, and I will find myself complaining that everything is too big!

Until then, I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, sweating all the way!

Feeling Good!

Today was another BodyPump class and it was great! I felt good about my workout, and left knowing I had done something good for myself!

Now if only the fat would start falling off! I want to see some movement from the scales...I am moving my body, and now it's time for the scales to do their part and start moving the numbers...DOWN!!

One day at a time...and today, I worked hard!

Working through the pain

I am working through the pain. My body hurts in places I didn't even know could hurt. My arms are the worst, followed closely by my extremely sore legs. I had a really hard time getting dressed this morning. Suffice it to say, Natalie had to help me, and she informed me it was ridiculous! I know honey, I know! And let me add that getting in and out of the car is no piece of cake either.

But today, I decided I was going to continue to work through the pain. I worked on some cardio, and then did some leg work and ab work. Whew...I am hurting!

I know it is silly, but I am proud of the pain. It means I am working hard. It means I am doing right for my body, for myself, and for my family. I am stronger...healthier.

One day at a time, right?

Wednesday

This morning it was the Zumba class for me. It was great fun, and I thought that working through the soreness throughout my body would help. I am here to tell you, it didn't. Oh sure, for the first hour or so after Zumba, I felt great. Then I sat down for lunch, and nearly couldn't get back up!! OUCH!! It's a good pain though...if there really is such a thing. I know I am working hard, and that makes me happy!

Plus, if dancing can be exercise, then count me in!!

Ouch!

Today I decided to dive into a new class at the gym...Body Pump. One word for all of you...OUCH! It was wonderful and painful all at the same time. I felt challenged for sure, but not so 'bad' at it that I was overwhelmed and discouraged. I will definitely be going back...I feel like this class has lots of fat-burning-and-strength-building potential for me. I was AWESOME! And, a friend went with me, which made it even better! :)

Now, about these muscle aches...OUCH! I think I need some ibuprofen and a bottle of water. I am hopeful I can get out of bed in the morning...pray for me!

YOGA

I just completed my first yoga class. It was wonderful. I was relaxed, yet sweating. I was calm, yet excited. I was breathing slow and steady, yet out of breath.

I think I'll definitely be back!

Not so much...

The whole "drink more water" goal I had for the week...let's just say it isn't going so well. I'm choosing to blame the fact that I am working and so I am not in my usual routine and I am not home much. Yeah, let's go with that.

But tomorrow is another day, and I will do better.

It's all about taking it one day at a time, right?

Water, Water, Water

That is my goal for this week...to drink more water, water, water. It is just hard to get it all in when the weather is cool...but when the weather is warmer, it seems so much easier to drink all the water.

Today, it's COLD. But I am going to force myself to have some more water!

How are y'all doing?

Since Joining...

Since joining the gym, I am down four more pounds. I think that finally puts me at the ten pound mark! I have been every single day since I signed up. I know it's not much, but I'm claiming success when I can :)

I even signed up for a little contest the gym is hosting...we'll see!

Great!

Another day at the gym...a big salad for lunch...I'm feeling pretty good!

How about you?

Whew!

Today I had my first day at the gym. One and a half hours of cardio, strength training, and sweating. It felt good!

I can't wait to go back tomorrow!

Still here!

I'm still here! We have survived the sickness that had invaded our home. I will be back soon with my new resolve. I am starting a new exercise streak, and hopefully this time I will not be interrupted by 103 degree fever!

So, I'll be back here soon! Until then, take a walk and have some water! It's good for you!

Nine

There is a line in the movie "The Devil Wears Prada" that goes something like this, "I am just one stomach bug away from my goal weight." Well, I haven't had a stomach bug, but I have lost 9 pounds since Thursday. It's a far cry from my goal weight, but it's nine pounds gone! I'm not happy that I was sick, but I will take this as a jump-start and gear back up for a new exercise streak! I am hopefully back in the saddle again tomorrow. I am needing one more day to recover, and then, I am back!

Pick myself up and move on

It's over. The 2008 exercise streak has ended. I was at the minor emergency yesterday and left with three sicknesses. I have the Flu, an ear infection, and some type of throat infection (possibly strep). I have been VERY sick...I have no voice, and I go back and forth between freezing and sweating. My fever has yet to break, and the cough in my chest is so very painful. My precious husband is now caring for me, as well as my two sick children. They are both still battling something, and have been for over a month now.

I was nearly in tears the first night when I realized I wasn't going to get my exercise in. But I decided that I am not going to beat myself up about it. Everyone gets sick from time to time, and I can't be ashamed of something that I can't control. So, I am letting it go. I am going to pick myself up and move on. Once I am well, I will start again.

One day, one step at a time, right?

No wonder

It's no wonder that so many people give up on this journey of weight loss. I have been working so hard for 5 going on 6 weeks, and have barely lost any weight. I was so proud of my efforts, and my faithfulness to the exercise. I have cut out the Dr Pepper, which was HUGE, except for the three times I have caved. But I wasn't going to beat myself up over a Dr Pepper. I just left with a belch and a new resolve to do better.

But now, this far in with so few results, I can totally understand the urges to give up. I'm feeling them. I'm thinking all those things I know others have: why bother, I am destined to be fat. I'll never get thin, I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate my metabolism. I have too far to go, I'll never make it! I was so proud, only to be plummeted to the depths of disappointment and failure.

But I'm going to keep trying. I can't look at my husband and children and tell them they aren't worth the battle. And while, right now, I don't feel like I am worth the battle, I am going to keep on anyway. Let's just hope that some pounds start to fall off! I need some wins!

Number 3

I caved. No, I haven't stopped exercising, but I caved. I had Dr Pepper #3 of 2008. I'll just say that it has been a really rough week for me, and leave it at that. But I am still exercising...the streak continues!

Drumroll please.....

Today is January 31. As you can see from the photo above, I have met my first short-term goal. I was successful in exercising every single day in January! Yippee! Though the pounds are not dropping off like I had hoped, I refuse to let that get me down. I am doing a good thing for myself, and I will continue to exercise...and I know eventually, the weight will start to drop.

Let the celebration begin! What should I do?

Love-Hate Relationship

It's day 27 of 2008 and I am still at it. I have successfully exercised EVERY single day this month...this year. I am feeling good about it. I wish the weight were dropping off, but I know that no matter what, the exercise is making me healthier, and that is so important.

I have been thinking and have decided that I have a love/hate relationship with my body, so I wanted to have a little talk with my body about it:

Dear Body:

I love you. I hate you.

I love you for the joy we have seen together...college, marriage, babies. You've been there with me through the happiest days of my life, and for that I am so very thankful.

But I hate you. I hate you for all of the ways that you have held me back. I hate it that I have allowed you to have so much control over my mind and the decisions I have made along the way. I hate you for all of the times that I have stood back and been unwilling to put myself out there for fear of rejection because of you. I hate that because of you, I have thought less of myself all of these years, and questioned what others thought of me too. I hate you because every time I look at you or think about you, I see my own failures. I see all the ways that I didn't do right by you, and I am ashamed.

I love you for sticking by me through some yucky times. I know cancer wasn't easy, and I am very sure that infertility was hard. I know that enduring all those medical treatments and procedures wasn't easy, but you did it, and I love you for that. I love you for being the first safe home that all four of my babies ever knew...those pregnancies, and my time with each of my children growing inside of me will always be precious memories.

But I hate you. I hate you for not being the safe place for Hope or Carson to keep on living. I hate you because you betrayed me, and I lost two of the most precious blessings ever. I hate you for all of the times I have doubted my self worth because of you. I hate you because each time I look in the mirror, I feel a little pain in my heart. I hate that you have that kind of control over me. I hate that I miss quality time with my kids because of the limitations you create, and I hate you because I question whether or not I am a good mother.

I love you for the future we can have. I love you for the chance that is now...the chance to change and make a new history for us. I love that I can wake up every morning and have a fresh start with you, and that we can spend time together exercising which is making both of us better. I love that you are hanging in there with me, even though you could be completely falling apart by now. I love that even though I have mistreated you for quite some time, that you are giving me a second chance, and I will not let it pass me by.

And even though I hate you, I'll keep loving you, because loving you is loving me. And one day at a time, one minute at a time, one step at a time, we will be better. I promise.

--Anne

I don't have it in me!

Today...this week...I just don't have it in me. I am exhausted from taking care of the flu patients otherwise known as my precious children, and I don't think I could deal with the number on the scales. So basically, I am not going to weigh-in. I am still going strong on my exercising streak! Nothing will stop me there! I just know myself well enough to know that if I weighed-in and the numbers weren't good, I might collapse into a sobbing puddle on the floor. So I am going to spare us all that tragedy, and I'll hope to be back on the scales next week. Until then, I will continue exercising and doing my best!

Despite the Flu and Freezing Temps

BOTH of my cutie pie children have the flu. Sure, they had the flu shot several months ago, but somehow the flu bug still managed to get them...both of them. But, despite the yucky germs and exhaustion from caring for them today, and of course the frigid temps, I still managed to get in a workout. It wasn't as strenuous as my walks outside, but I was moving nonetheless...working my muscles and feeling good about it! I refused to break the chain...REFUSE! I will not let the weather stop me!

And I consider that a victory! 22 days of victory!

Day 21 - Something New

It is day 21. 21 days of victory, and it feels good. I am not losing the weight so far like I had hoped, but I am re-evaluating and making some changes in order to spur things along. I have a new system in place that will hopefully assist me in getting all of my water in for the day. It sounds so easy to say, "Drink 8-10 glasses of water every day" but for some reason it is difficult for me. I have only had one Dr Pepper in 2008, so that is great, but I need to be sure to drink more water! My new system is to place 4 or 5 - 16.5 oz bottles of water on the counter each night before bed. Each morning when I wake, they will be sitting there calling my name, and the goal is to have them complete before turning in for the night! I'll let you know how it goes! I am hoping that once again my OCD will help me out since I cannot stand to have things cluttering the counter! :)

In other news, I am also starting a 30-day cleanse program today. I am super excited about it, so let's hope that it helps me jumpstart the journey with a cleansed out colon, kidneys, and liver, and digestive tract. I want the toxins gone, and a cleaner healthier body!

My initial short-term goal was to exercise EVERY DAY in January. I am 21 days in...only 10 more to go. What should my reward be? I want to be sure to reward myself for meeting the goals, even if I am not to the end of the journey. So, any ideas?

Three Weeks and New Encouragement

It's almost unbelievable that three weeks have passed since my journey began. The first three weeks of 2008 have been full of busy-ness, but I have remained diligent in my quest for daily exercise. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds...and the day after that...and the day after that. One thing is for certain, I will keep at it, and I will be glad I did!

Just last night, during my devotional time, this scripture was the reference for the day. It was such a great reminder to me that as hard as I work to have a healthy body, that I should never forget the ever-present need to exercise my heart. To learn the ways of Jesus; loving others and myself.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7

Lord, Please continue to walk with me on this weight-loss journey. Continue to fuel my desire for a healthier temple for You, and even more-so, fuel the desire for a heart like Yours! Amen.

Strength From the One Who Makes Me Who I Am

Today is Saturday. It has been a long week including a sick baby, a family crisis that has resolved, and out of town guests. I am physically and emotionally drained, but I was faithful. I just completed my exercise for the day and tomorrow I will do it again. I will stay true to the promise I have made...and I will rejoice in another victory!

"I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."

Philippians 4:13 (The Message)

Sore!

My legs are SO SORE! I guess those 150 leg lifts I have been doing with my other exercises have been doing some good! I sure hope so...150 is a lot of counting :)

So how about you? Do any of you want to comment on how 2008 is 'shaping up' for you?

As for me...18 days victorious!

Wednesday Weigh-In

I am not posting my weigh-in number for today. Just know that I am resolved to continue on a downward trend. I am resolved to continue keeping this commitment I made to myself. That's what is important. One day, one step, one victory at a time!

Still

15 days and I am still at it! Victory!

The Chain Continues

It's day fourteen and i have successfully placed another link on my calendar chain! I took a longer walk today. It was wonderful, but I can tell because I feel a bit more tired tonight. Especially after the 150 leg lifts that were included in my workout last night :)

It is getting a little harder to post here. I think it is because I figure that more people are finding me here, and I am terrified. I am terrified of what you all are thinking about me. I am terrified of all of the opinions that are floating around out there; the opinions that I am not losing any weight. The opinions that no one can tell a difference, so I must not be doing anything. I am terrified that the word is out about my commitment because if I fail, it becomes a public failure to my public problem with fat...and that is terrifying!

I also know that in the end, mine is the opinion that matters. I have committed to myself to make this the year, and slowly, one pound at a time, I am going to succeed. And if you want to cheer me on along the way, then great. But either way, I'm committed; one day, one step, one victory at a time.

2 Weeks

Two weeks of January 2008 have come and gone, and I am still at it. Exercising each and every day makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. At a time in my life when the to-do list seems never-ending, the toys are strewn about faster than I can pick them up, and there is always a dirty diaper to take care of or a fight to break up...yes, at such a time as this, I need to feel a sense of accomplishment; knowing that at least one thing on that list that is miles long is getting crossed off, each and every day. And I am doing it, one little step at a time!

Changing it up

Today I decided to change it up a little bit. Instead of walking I did some a different type of exercise. Honestly, it was nice to have a change, but for now, I am really enjoying the walks. I get to spend time outside, enjoying the scenery and the brisk weather. I get to breathe in the fresh air, and watch nature all around. And I get to listen to praise and worship music on my iPod, praising Jesus with every step! It just can't get much better than praising Jesus exercise! Victory!

So I have a question. Do you have a recommendation for some great praise music that is upbeat, and good for exercising and praising Jesus all at the same time? Please share! I am looking for some new tunes!

Day Ten

I exercised today. I marked through the day on that little calendar. I didn't feel like it. I wasn't in the mood. I wanted to have done it already, but I hadn't. I didn't want to fail. I wanted success. So I did it. I walked. I stepped outside, and took off down the road. I feel good about it...really, really good about it! I feel good about me! Victory!

A Quote

There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world, than for bread.

~Mother Teresa

Wednesday Weigh-In

I have decided that Wednesday's will be the official weigh-in days. I tend to be one extreme or the other when it comes to those pesky scales. I am either on them 31 times a day, or never. To try to curb both extremes, I have made an agreement with myself. I can get on the scales a maximum of once per day, but the number only counts on Wednesdays. There is way too much fluctuation that can happen on any given day, what with water retention and such, so I think this fits what I need. It is often enough for consistency and encouragement, yet not obsessive, which if you read my last post, you'll know I already have tendencies towards.

So today is the second official weigh-in, but since I didn't officially post it last week, I'll give you an update first!

First Wednesday Weigh-in: 1 pound loss
Second Wednesday Weigh-in (TODAY!): 5.5 pound loss

Yep, you read that right. 5.5 pounds down, never to be seen again! 5.5 pounds of victory, and it feels so very good!

I have heard this song in my head, and I think the Lord put it there. I love the words, for they can apply in most any situation, even through this journey of exercise, weight-loss, and accepting myself.

One Step at a Time

J. H. Rosecrans

One step at a time, dear Savior

I cannot take any more

The flesh is so weak and hopeless

I know not what is before

One step at a time, dear Savior

Till faith grows stronger in Thee

One step at a time, dear Savior

Till hope grows stronger in me

One step at a time, dear Savior

I am not walking by sight

Keep step with my soul, dear Savior

I walk by faith in Thy might

One step at a time, dear Savior

O guard my faltering feet!

Keep hold of my hand, dear Savior

Till I my journey complete

One step at a time, dear Savior

Thou knowest all of my fear

One word from Thy heart, dear Savior

And heaven's mansions appear


Words public domain

Lord, I thank you for walking each and every step of this journey with me. More of You and less of me, Lord. Amen.

Three letters...

O - C - D

Yep, that's right. OCD. Those three letters describe me perfectly about several areas of my life. Notice I didn't say every area, but several areas :) And it's those three little...okay BIG...letters that make my new system work for me.

Let me explain. I purchased a small wall calendar; probably 5-6 inches square when closed. They are cheap, and cute, which pretty much sums up why I purchased this one. Oh, and the fact that my bathroom is the perfect size for one very small child comfortably, so it had to be small in order to hang in there.

Each day, once I have completed whatever workout/exercise I have scheduled, I mark a large diagonal line through that day on the calendar. The next day, I connect that diagonal with one going the other direction, so it forms a sort of 'chain' effect. Now, this is where the OCD comes in. I can't stand the thought of 'breaking the chain'! If I am going to keep the chain going, I have to exercise whether I am 'in the mood' or not. So I do it.

I do it to keep the chain going. I do it to feed my OCD impulses. I do it for my husband and children so I can be the healthy wife and mommy I want for them. I do it for me. One day, one step, one diagonal line at a time :)

Monday, Monday

I may not have gotten everything accomplished that was on my list, but I can tell you that I absolutely got my exercise in for the day! As crazy and juvenile as it sounds, there is something so motivating about marking off the days of my little exercise calendar. I don't want to mess up the rhythm, the groove, the pattern I am creating marking off each day!

So I did it. It's Monday and I didn't allow myself to make any excuses! Yippee for me!

A New Week

A new week has begun, and another chance for another victory!

I have already marked through my day today on the calendar because Natalie and I went walking together this afternoon. Bless her heart, her little legs were working so hard to keep up with me. It was quite precious because this morning when she woke me up, she was dressed for a workout. She had gotten up and put on sweats and her tennis shoes hoping to come with me on my walk today. It broke her heart to know she had to change and put on her church clothes, but this afternoon she was thrilled to don her tennis shoes again and accompany me. I was great mother-daughter time, and we have decided that each Sunday will be her special "work out with Mommy Day".

One of the things that I can already see is the support that I am receiving from that little four year old angel. I don't use words like fat or diet around her because I don't want her to begin to question herself. (Girls have enough of that in life anyway...I should know!) I have just said that I am walking to be healthy. We have talked about making healthy choices, and how exercise is good for your body. She is loving it, and looks forward to praising me after my walks.

What she doesn't know is that I am doing it for her. Oh sure, I am doing it for me, but I am doing it for her. I am doing it so she will have a happy, healthy mommy around for a long time. I've always said that I went through so much to get these kids (cancer, infertility, high risk pregnancies...) that I am not going to miss raising them, and being here for them! They mean more than the world to me, and I want their mommy to be here for them!

And one day at a time, I am becoming that happy, healthy, in-shape mommy! One step at a time, I am learning to love myself, and hopefully losing the pounds along the way! And one day at a time, I am marking through another day on that little calendar hanging in my bathroom. It's one day, one pound, one victory at a time.

One Week Down

The first week of 2008 has come and gone and I have successfully exercised every day! You can't imagine what a sense of accomplishment I feel for that. Marking each day off on the calendar, I have watched the entire week go by, and I have stuck to my goal of EVERY DAY!

I know it's only the beginning, but I also know that every journey begins with the first step. I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. Not that I have lost tons of weight yet, or even kept up my exercise for a month, but that I made a commitment to myself, and so far I am keeping it. I would say that is something to be proud of.

I can't wait to see the fruits of my labor begin to show. I cannot wait for my clothes to start feeling too big, and I cannot wait to start noticing a difference when I look in the mirror. But until then, I will cling to the little successes like marking through another day on the calendar, and I will smile inside, knowing that I am making a difference in me, and for me, one step at a time!

Details

The plan: A streak

I have purchased a calendar and plan to mark through each day once I have completed some form of exercise. Some days that will be walking, some days that will be a video. I plan to change it up a bit, but not too much. After all, consistency is important for success!

The Report: So far, so good!

It is day four and so far, so good. I have been successful at marking off each day so far in 2008! I think I'll call that success for now!

The Weigh In: So far I have lost 1 pound.

Three days in and I am already one pound down. Yippee! All I know is that I am saying goodbye to that pound, never to gain it or see it again! Goodbye pound!


I know that many of my friends and families will eventually stumble across this blog, and I'm okay with that. I'm putting myself out there for the world on the WWW, and I know that doing so is going to create a different sense of accountability. For that, I am prepared.

Until the secret is out, I'll keep writing for me! :)

Here and Now

It's here. 2008 has arrived. Like most people around, I have big plans for change. As you can see from the title of my blog, I am planning, and determined to lose the weight in 2008!

It's been a long time in the coming. I have needed to get serious about this change for quite sometime. Now, I am ready. I have a plan, and I have the full and loving support of my husband, who will hold me accountable while loving me 'neither matter what' (as my four-year-old daughter puts it.)

I have not shared with anyone else that I am working towards this goal. Honestly, I am scared to do so. It seems that in the past, when I have shared about this topic, I have been met with judgement. For some reason, people who are not where I am on the scales have a hard time understanding how anyone could let themselves get so 'fat'. I am here to tell you that judgement and condemnation do nothing for motivating me to get moving.

My friends do not know about my resolve to lose the weight, or about this little blog. I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it for my husband and my children! I have overcome so much, and I know that this is just another battle in this journey of life. The best part is, that I know I can win. Some days will be harder than others, but I will come out on top!

This weight thing, it's so personal, yet so public. I cannot hide the fact that I am overweight. It is out there for the world to see. I'm fat, and everyone knows it. Unfortunately, that also means that everyone has an opinion about how I got this way, and why I have stayed this way. The truth is, everyone has NO IDEA.

But as for me, I am determined that this is the year. I have a long way to go, and I know it won't happen overnight, but I am determined.

This little corner of the bloggy world is for me. It is about me and the journey that I am taking. If you have come here to encourage, then by all means, leave me a comment. If you have come here to judge, or condemn, or speak harshly towards a 'fat girl', then please don't. I need only encouragement, please.

I am going to use this blog to track myself. I am going to use this as an outlet for all of the feelings and emotions that accompany a journey like this one. And I am going to come out on the other side a better person. Hopefully a thinner, more healthy person.

All the while, I am committed to love my husband more, love my children more, and love my Jesus more!