Drumroll please.....

Today is January 31. As you can see from the photo above, I have met my first short-term goal. I was successful in exercising every single day in January! Yippee! Though the pounds are not dropping off like I had hoped, I refuse to let that get me down. I am doing a good thing for myself, and I will continue to exercise...and I know eventually, the weight will start to drop.

Let the celebration begin! What should I do?

Love-Hate Relationship

It's day 27 of 2008 and I am still at it. I have successfully exercised EVERY single day this month...this year. I am feeling good about it. I wish the weight were dropping off, but I know that no matter what, the exercise is making me healthier, and that is so important.

I have been thinking and have decided that I have a love/hate relationship with my body, so I wanted to have a little talk with my body about it:

Dear Body:

I love you. I hate you.

I love you for the joy we have seen together...college, marriage, babies. You've been there with me through the happiest days of my life, and for that I am so very thankful.

But I hate you. I hate you for all of the ways that you have held me back. I hate it that I have allowed you to have so much control over my mind and the decisions I have made along the way. I hate you for all of the times that I have stood back and been unwilling to put myself out there for fear of rejection because of you. I hate that because of you, I have thought less of myself all of these years, and questioned what others thought of me too. I hate you because every time I look at you or think about you, I see my own failures. I see all the ways that I didn't do right by you, and I am ashamed.

I love you for sticking by me through some yucky times. I know cancer wasn't easy, and I am very sure that infertility was hard. I know that enduring all those medical treatments and procedures wasn't easy, but you did it, and I love you for that. I love you for being the first safe home that all four of my babies ever knew...those pregnancies, and my time with each of my children growing inside of me will always be precious memories.

But I hate you. I hate you for not being the safe place for Hope or Carson to keep on living. I hate you because you betrayed me, and I lost two of the most precious blessings ever. I hate you for all of the times I have doubted my self worth because of you. I hate you because each time I look in the mirror, I feel a little pain in my heart. I hate that you have that kind of control over me. I hate that I miss quality time with my kids because of the limitations you create, and I hate you because I question whether or not I am a good mother.

I love you for the future we can have. I love you for the chance that is now...the chance to change and make a new history for us. I love that I can wake up every morning and have a fresh start with you, and that we can spend time together exercising which is making both of us better. I love that you are hanging in there with me, even though you could be completely falling apart by now. I love that even though I have mistreated you for quite some time, that you are giving me a second chance, and I will not let it pass me by.

And even though I hate you, I'll keep loving you, because loving you is loving me. And one day at a time, one minute at a time, one step at a time, we will be better. I promise.

--Anne

I don't have it in me!

Today...this week...I just don't have it in me. I am exhausted from taking care of the flu patients otherwise known as my precious children, and I don't think I could deal with the number on the scales. So basically, I am not going to weigh-in. I am still going strong on my exercising streak! Nothing will stop me there! I just know myself well enough to know that if I weighed-in and the numbers weren't good, I might collapse into a sobbing puddle on the floor. So I am going to spare us all that tragedy, and I'll hope to be back on the scales next week. Until then, I will continue exercising and doing my best!

Despite the Flu and Freezing Temps

BOTH of my cutie pie children have the flu. Sure, they had the flu shot several months ago, but somehow the flu bug still managed to get them...both of them. But, despite the yucky germs and exhaustion from caring for them today, and of course the frigid temps, I still managed to get in a workout. It wasn't as strenuous as my walks outside, but I was moving nonetheless...working my muscles and feeling good about it! I refused to break the chain...REFUSE! I will not let the weather stop me!

And I consider that a victory! 22 days of victory!

Day 21 - Something New

It is day 21. 21 days of victory, and it feels good. I am not losing the weight so far like I had hoped, but I am re-evaluating and making some changes in order to spur things along. I have a new system in place that will hopefully assist me in getting all of my water in for the day. It sounds so easy to say, "Drink 8-10 glasses of water every day" but for some reason it is difficult for me. I have only had one Dr Pepper in 2008, so that is great, but I need to be sure to drink more water! My new system is to place 4 or 5 - 16.5 oz bottles of water on the counter each night before bed. Each morning when I wake, they will be sitting there calling my name, and the goal is to have them complete before turning in for the night! I'll let you know how it goes! I am hoping that once again my OCD will help me out since I cannot stand to have things cluttering the counter! :)

In other news, I am also starting a 30-day cleanse program today. I am super excited about it, so let's hope that it helps me jumpstart the journey with a cleansed out colon, kidneys, and liver, and digestive tract. I want the toxins gone, and a cleaner healthier body!

My initial short-term goal was to exercise EVERY DAY in January. I am 21 days in...only 10 more to go. What should my reward be? I want to be sure to reward myself for meeting the goals, even if I am not to the end of the journey. So, any ideas?

Three Weeks and New Encouragement

It's almost unbelievable that three weeks have passed since my journey began. The first three weeks of 2008 have been full of busy-ness, but I have remained diligent in my quest for daily exercise. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds...and the day after that...and the day after that. One thing is for certain, I will keep at it, and I will be glad I did!

Just last night, during my devotional time, this scripture was the reference for the day. It was such a great reminder to me that as hard as I work to have a healthy body, that I should never forget the ever-present need to exercise my heart. To learn the ways of Jesus; loving others and myself.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7

Lord, Please continue to walk with me on this weight-loss journey. Continue to fuel my desire for a healthier temple for You, and even more-so, fuel the desire for a heart like Yours! Amen.

Strength From the One Who Makes Me Who I Am

Today is Saturday. It has been a long week including a sick baby, a family crisis that has resolved, and out of town guests. I am physically and emotionally drained, but I was faithful. I just completed my exercise for the day and tomorrow I will do it again. I will stay true to the promise I have made...and I will rejoice in another victory!

"I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."

Philippians 4:13 (The Message)

Sore!

My legs are SO SORE! I guess those 150 leg lifts I have been doing with my other exercises have been doing some good! I sure hope so...150 is a lot of counting :)

So how about you? Do any of you want to comment on how 2008 is 'shaping up' for you?

As for me...18 days victorious!

Wednesday Weigh-In

I am not posting my weigh-in number for today. Just know that I am resolved to continue on a downward trend. I am resolved to continue keeping this commitment I made to myself. That's what is important. One day, one step, one victory at a time!

Still

15 days and I am still at it! Victory!

The Chain Continues

It's day fourteen and i have successfully placed another link on my calendar chain! I took a longer walk today. It was wonderful, but I can tell because I feel a bit more tired tonight. Especially after the 150 leg lifts that were included in my workout last night :)

It is getting a little harder to post here. I think it is because I figure that more people are finding me here, and I am terrified. I am terrified of what you all are thinking about me. I am terrified of all of the opinions that are floating around out there; the opinions that I am not losing any weight. The opinions that no one can tell a difference, so I must not be doing anything. I am terrified that the word is out about my commitment because if I fail, it becomes a public failure to my public problem with fat...and that is terrifying!

I also know that in the end, mine is the opinion that matters. I have committed to myself to make this the year, and slowly, one pound at a time, I am going to succeed. And if you want to cheer me on along the way, then great. But either way, I'm committed; one day, one step, one victory at a time.

2 Weeks

Two weeks of January 2008 have come and gone, and I am still at it. Exercising each and every day makes me feel a sense of accomplishment. At a time in my life when the to-do list seems never-ending, the toys are strewn about faster than I can pick them up, and there is always a dirty diaper to take care of or a fight to break up...yes, at such a time as this, I need to feel a sense of accomplishment; knowing that at least one thing on that list that is miles long is getting crossed off, each and every day. And I am doing it, one little step at a time!

Changing it up

Today I decided to change it up a little bit. Instead of walking I did some a different type of exercise. Honestly, it was nice to have a change, but for now, I am really enjoying the walks. I get to spend time outside, enjoying the scenery and the brisk weather. I get to breathe in the fresh air, and watch nature all around. And I get to listen to praise and worship music on my iPod, praising Jesus with every step! It just can't get much better than praising Jesus exercise! Victory!

So I have a question. Do you have a recommendation for some great praise music that is upbeat, and good for exercising and praising Jesus all at the same time? Please share! I am looking for some new tunes!

Day Ten

I exercised today. I marked through the day on that little calendar. I didn't feel like it. I wasn't in the mood. I wanted to have done it already, but I hadn't. I didn't want to fail. I wanted success. So I did it. I walked. I stepped outside, and took off down the road. I feel good about it...really, really good about it! I feel good about me! Victory!

A Quote

There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world, than for bread.

~Mother Teresa

Wednesday Weigh-In

I have decided that Wednesday's will be the official weigh-in days. I tend to be one extreme or the other when it comes to those pesky scales. I am either on them 31 times a day, or never. To try to curb both extremes, I have made an agreement with myself. I can get on the scales a maximum of once per day, but the number only counts on Wednesdays. There is way too much fluctuation that can happen on any given day, what with water retention and such, so I think this fits what I need. It is often enough for consistency and encouragement, yet not obsessive, which if you read my last post, you'll know I already have tendencies towards.

So today is the second official weigh-in, but since I didn't officially post it last week, I'll give you an update first!

First Wednesday Weigh-in: 1 pound loss
Second Wednesday Weigh-in (TODAY!): 5.5 pound loss

Yep, you read that right. 5.5 pounds down, never to be seen again! 5.5 pounds of victory, and it feels so very good!

I have heard this song in my head, and I think the Lord put it there. I love the words, for they can apply in most any situation, even through this journey of exercise, weight-loss, and accepting myself.

One Step at a Time

J. H. Rosecrans

One step at a time, dear Savior

I cannot take any more

The flesh is so weak and hopeless

I know not what is before

One step at a time, dear Savior

Till faith grows stronger in Thee

One step at a time, dear Savior

Till hope grows stronger in me

One step at a time, dear Savior

I am not walking by sight

Keep step with my soul, dear Savior

I walk by faith in Thy might

One step at a time, dear Savior

O guard my faltering feet!

Keep hold of my hand, dear Savior

Till I my journey complete

One step at a time, dear Savior

Thou knowest all of my fear

One word from Thy heart, dear Savior

And heaven's mansions appear


Words public domain

Lord, I thank you for walking each and every step of this journey with me. More of You and less of me, Lord. Amen.

Three letters...

O - C - D

Yep, that's right. OCD. Those three letters describe me perfectly about several areas of my life. Notice I didn't say every area, but several areas :) And it's those three little...okay BIG...letters that make my new system work for me.

Let me explain. I purchased a small wall calendar; probably 5-6 inches square when closed. They are cheap, and cute, which pretty much sums up why I purchased this one. Oh, and the fact that my bathroom is the perfect size for one very small child comfortably, so it had to be small in order to hang in there.

Each day, once I have completed whatever workout/exercise I have scheduled, I mark a large diagonal line through that day on the calendar. The next day, I connect that diagonal with one going the other direction, so it forms a sort of 'chain' effect. Now, this is where the OCD comes in. I can't stand the thought of 'breaking the chain'! If I am going to keep the chain going, I have to exercise whether I am 'in the mood' or not. So I do it.

I do it to keep the chain going. I do it to feed my OCD impulses. I do it for my husband and children so I can be the healthy wife and mommy I want for them. I do it for me. One day, one step, one diagonal line at a time :)

Monday, Monday

I may not have gotten everything accomplished that was on my list, but I can tell you that I absolutely got my exercise in for the day! As crazy and juvenile as it sounds, there is something so motivating about marking off the days of my little exercise calendar. I don't want to mess up the rhythm, the groove, the pattern I am creating marking off each day!

So I did it. It's Monday and I didn't allow myself to make any excuses! Yippee for me!

A New Week

A new week has begun, and another chance for another victory!

I have already marked through my day today on the calendar because Natalie and I went walking together this afternoon. Bless her heart, her little legs were working so hard to keep up with me. It was quite precious because this morning when she woke me up, she was dressed for a workout. She had gotten up and put on sweats and her tennis shoes hoping to come with me on my walk today. It broke her heart to know she had to change and put on her church clothes, but this afternoon she was thrilled to don her tennis shoes again and accompany me. I was great mother-daughter time, and we have decided that each Sunday will be her special "work out with Mommy Day".

One of the things that I can already see is the support that I am receiving from that little four year old angel. I don't use words like fat or diet around her because I don't want her to begin to question herself. (Girls have enough of that in life anyway...I should know!) I have just said that I am walking to be healthy. We have talked about making healthy choices, and how exercise is good for your body. She is loving it, and looks forward to praising me after my walks.

What she doesn't know is that I am doing it for her. Oh sure, I am doing it for me, but I am doing it for her. I am doing it so she will have a happy, healthy mommy around for a long time. I've always said that I went through so much to get these kids (cancer, infertility, high risk pregnancies...) that I am not going to miss raising them, and being here for them! They mean more than the world to me, and I want their mommy to be here for them!

And one day at a time, I am becoming that happy, healthy, in-shape mommy! One step at a time, I am learning to love myself, and hopefully losing the pounds along the way! And one day at a time, I am marking through another day on that little calendar hanging in my bathroom. It's one day, one pound, one victory at a time.

One Week Down

The first week of 2008 has come and gone and I have successfully exercised every day! You can't imagine what a sense of accomplishment I feel for that. Marking each day off on the calendar, I have watched the entire week go by, and I have stuck to my goal of EVERY DAY!

I know it's only the beginning, but I also know that every journey begins with the first step. I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. Not that I have lost tons of weight yet, or even kept up my exercise for a month, but that I made a commitment to myself, and so far I am keeping it. I would say that is something to be proud of.

I can't wait to see the fruits of my labor begin to show. I cannot wait for my clothes to start feeling too big, and I cannot wait to start noticing a difference when I look in the mirror. But until then, I will cling to the little successes like marking through another day on the calendar, and I will smile inside, knowing that I am making a difference in me, and for me, one step at a time!

Details

The plan: A streak

I have purchased a calendar and plan to mark through each day once I have completed some form of exercise. Some days that will be walking, some days that will be a video. I plan to change it up a bit, but not too much. After all, consistency is important for success!

The Report: So far, so good!

It is day four and so far, so good. I have been successful at marking off each day so far in 2008! I think I'll call that success for now!

The Weigh In: So far I have lost 1 pound.

Three days in and I am already one pound down. Yippee! All I know is that I am saying goodbye to that pound, never to gain it or see it again! Goodbye pound!


I know that many of my friends and families will eventually stumble across this blog, and I'm okay with that. I'm putting myself out there for the world on the WWW, and I know that doing so is going to create a different sense of accountability. For that, I am prepared.

Until the secret is out, I'll keep writing for me! :)

Here and Now

It's here. 2008 has arrived. Like most people around, I have big plans for change. As you can see from the title of my blog, I am planning, and determined to lose the weight in 2008!

It's been a long time in the coming. I have needed to get serious about this change for quite sometime. Now, I am ready. I have a plan, and I have the full and loving support of my husband, who will hold me accountable while loving me 'neither matter what' (as my four-year-old daughter puts it.)

I have not shared with anyone else that I am working towards this goal. Honestly, I am scared to do so. It seems that in the past, when I have shared about this topic, I have been met with judgement. For some reason, people who are not where I am on the scales have a hard time understanding how anyone could let themselves get so 'fat'. I am here to tell you that judgement and condemnation do nothing for motivating me to get moving.

My friends do not know about my resolve to lose the weight, or about this little blog. I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it for my husband and my children! I have overcome so much, and I know that this is just another battle in this journey of life. The best part is, that I know I can win. Some days will be harder than others, but I will come out on top!

This weight thing, it's so personal, yet so public. I cannot hide the fact that I am overweight. It is out there for the world to see. I'm fat, and everyone knows it. Unfortunately, that also means that everyone has an opinion about how I got this way, and why I have stayed this way. The truth is, everyone has NO IDEA.

But as for me, I am determined that this is the year. I have a long way to go, and I know it won't happen overnight, but I am determined.

This little corner of the bloggy world is for me. It is about me and the journey that I am taking. If you have come here to encourage, then by all means, leave me a comment. If you have come here to judge, or condemn, or speak harshly towards a 'fat girl', then please don't. I need only encouragement, please.

I am going to use this blog to track myself. I am going to use this as an outlet for all of the feelings and emotions that accompany a journey like this one. And I am going to come out on the other side a better person. Hopefully a thinner, more healthy person.

All the while, I am committed to love my husband more, love my children more, and love my Jesus more!