So far...

Well, I wasn't really supposed to, but I was feeling discouraged because I am not seeing any change in the mirror, so I weighed and measured.

Since June 9, 2012, here are the stats for progress:

Pounds lost:  14

Inches lost:  16 1/4

4 of those inches are from my waist alone.

Can't wait to start SEEING the changes when I look in the mirror!

A New Dress

Yep, I bought myself a new dress.  I absolutely shouldn't have spent the money, but I did.  I walked into the store, tried on a dress I liked in my size, and it was too big.  So on a whim, I tried on the smaller size and to my AMAZEMENT, it fit!  That was all it took for me to slap down that money and run.  I love the dress, and am working up the courage to wear it out in public.  It's a cute little ruffled dress in a great salmon color...and, gasp, it is sleeveless.  That is why I have to work up the courage to wear it out...I NEVER show my arms in public.  Ne.Ver.  But I'm working on my courage...and hope to venture out in my new dress soon.  And while it isn't really noticeable to me or anyone else that I've dropped a few pounds, I know, based on my clothes, that I have...and I also know that the size on the tag is a little smaller.  And I'll take it!

Monday 6.18.12

Breakfast:  Egg Whites/Canadian Bacon/Low Carb Tortilla
Snack:  Spoon of Peanut Butter
Lunch:  Ham rolled up with Cream Cheese and a Dill Pickle
Snack:  Low Carb Bar
Dinner:  Grilled Sausage/Green Beans
Snack:  SF Jello with Low Fat Whipped Cream

Walking

Good Day....Day 9 of 56

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Just marking this date down as encouragement for myself....

Wore my cute salmon color pants to church...could pull them off WITHOUT unbuttoning or unzipping them.  Feels good, yet I wonder how in the world I will be able to afford new clothes as I continue to lose weight and need smaller sizes.  Maybe I need to invest in a belt so I can just cinch up the waist and continue wearing what I've got!  Ha!

Wednesday, 6/13/12

Day 4

Breakfast:  Egg Whites/Canadian Bacon/Spoonful of Almond Butter
Snack:  Cheese Stick/Almond Butter
Lunch:  Pork Wrap on Low Carb Tortilla/Avocado/Lettuce
Snack:  SF Jello/Nuts
Dinner:  Pork on Green Salad/Tomato/Cucumber/Mushroom/Light Vinaigrette/8 Mini Crackers
Snack:  SF Sno Cone...delicious and 100% legal!

Exercise:  Walking

Tracking

Simply using this place to log the details...

Last doctor's visit...6/7/12...another 6 pounds gone!

6/11/12

Breakfast:  Egg White/Canadian Bacon/Water
Snack:  Nuts/CF Diet Coke
Lunch:  Low Carb Wrap/Chicken/Lettuce/Tomato/Avocado/Water
Snack:  SF Jello w/Low Fat Whip Cream
Dinner:  Grilled Chicken/Salad/Broccoli and Cheese (Low Carb/Low Fat) casserole (from MM Book)
Snack:  Nuts/Water/ Cheese Stick

Exercise:  Walking/Jogging

6/12/12

Breakfast:  Egg Whites/Canadian Bacon/Low Carb tortilla/water
Snack:  Nuts/water/cheese
Lunch:  Salad/Low Carb Tortilla/Water
Snack:  SF Jello/Diet Caffeine Free Coke
Dinner:  Salmon/Grilled Veggies/Salad/Water
Snack: Yet to be determined! :)

Exercise:  Walking

Monday

Monday starts my seventh fit camp. Seventh. We have had a nice break, including Spring Break and now it is time to get back at it...time to rise early and sweat.

It's interesting because I have done some reading and made some new realizations about myself and this journey towards health. Maybe in the coming weeks I'll feel up to sharing some of that...maybe not. We will just have to see.

For now, I am preparing myself mentally to get up at 4:30 Monday. I have REALLY enjoyed sleeping late...which for me means sleeping until 6:30! Ha!

Graduation Day

Today was graduation day...number 6 for me. I was up at 4:00 to be ready and get there on time. I arrived, awake and ready to receive my graduation dog tags! Yippee...graduating again. I stood with my team...the Warriors...as we got our tags and were encouraged about the last six weeks of working together. I laughed, I was nearly in tears, and I was full of joy as I sat watching friends and new-found-fit camp-family receive their awards for the losing the most weight, having perfect attendance, winning the strong man/woman competitions, being voted the most improved...it was beautiful. There was a huge surprise for me this morning, though. I was nominated for and was voted "Most Inspirational" by fellow fit campers. Can you believe it...most inspirational...me?! I could have cried, but instead chose to smile. I am quite sure my face said it all.

I've always thought that there was so much more to fit camp than the physical benefits. This journey is SO MUCH MORE than that for me. It is physical, it is mental, it is emotional. It is not about being the best, but about being the best me. It is about reaching out to others on this journey and encouraging them right where they are. It is about reminding my fellow teammates (and myself) that it isn't about the destination, but about the journey, and that we must claim each victory, big and small, along the way.

I never thought I was doing much to inspire others...I mean really, there are days when I can barely drag myself out of bed. Certainly not inspirational! I'm never the fastest, or best, or even the most graceful. In fact, I am usually the slowest, last, and most awkward...not inspirational! But apparently, someone was touched by my efforts. Something I did or said touched another. I'll never know exactly how or what, but it did.

I think this award has done a few things for me. First, I feel good about myself. I am happy that I have been able to inspire someone else. Second, I want to continue to inspire those around me. Whether it be through words, or actions, or both, I want to keep encouraging and inspiring people. And last but certainly not least, I want to find those who encourage and inspire me and tell them so! It meant the world this morning for me to hear that I had done that for someone else, and I would love to pass that feeling on. I want to say thank you! I want others to know the difference they are making in my life.

I challenge you to do the same. Inspire, and be inspired!

One Minute

Yesterday was the final PT test for this Fit Camp. I gave it my best...huffing and puffing as I trotted my mile. At the end, I had met the challenge time given by my coach. I was glad. Then I came home and compared yesterday's time to my mile time from six weeks ago, at the beginning of this camp. I took one minute off of my time...one whole minute off of my one mile trot time. I am still in shock about it, but it makes me smile.

Interesting Stats

I just got on the Wii Fit for the first time in quite a long while. I decided I would do the Body Test just for kicks...though I will admit I expected bad news. I hopped on the board, pushed the button, and waited. When it was through analyzing me, the results were better than I expected. It said since my last time on the board, I have lost 18.5 pounds, and 3.5% body fat.

I'll take it!

Small Changes

I made a recent discovery....shaving my legs is getting easier. It is so much simpler to shave muscular calves that it was to shave fat, jiggly calves. MUCH easier! A small change, but a noticeable one.

You may now return to your day!

Shame

Yesterday I ran into an old friend. She is a friend I made years ago, as we were first beginning our little family, but one that I only see on occasion. We ran into each other in a local store, and it was fabulous to see her again. She looked fabulous! I mean it, she really looked great. Since I had last seen her she has lost about 100 pounds. She looks amazing now, and I am so happy for her.

I am really and truly happy for her...but I am so sad for me. You see, as she was telling me about her weight loss, I stood there wondering why I couldn't do it. Why is this something that I continue to fail at, time and time again? Will I ever get it right and lose the weight?

I stood there thinking that there was no way I could tell her that I work out each day, rising at 4:30 am to get in at least one hour of workout before my day begins. I couldn't tell her because my body doesn't show it. My body still looks the same...no one would ever look at me and think that I worked out 5 days per week...serious sweating. I was ashamed. I was so ashamed that I didn't mention it at all, but kept the focus on her and how fabulous she looked, and it worked. It was all about her, and it was safe.

Shame...it's a terrible place to find yourself. I cannot hide this body I have. It is a public sign of weakness and imperfection...and I am ashamed of it.

I have a few weeks off from my typical workout routine. I will continue to work out on my own at home, but my focus will be more on getting my thoughts and my heart in shape. When I see others out and about, I want to feel confidence, and I want to be able to tell them about my hard work. I want to not feel ashamed of the way I look, or of my failure at losing the weight. I want to be okay with myself, knowing that I am working hard.

Almost more important than the weight that has got to go, the shame has got to go. Now how do I do that?

Break

I am taking a break. You won't see me here for a while. I have already deactivated my facebook account, and will be stepping back from the computer for a bit. Don't ask why...it's a shame.

Measure

I decided that I would measure my body, since weighing on the scales didn't seem to encourage me. I thought just maybe if I saw some shrinkage in the numbers, I would realize that all of this hard work is paying off, even if the pounds are not melting off as fast as I had hoped.

Six weeks ago, when Boot Camp session #2 began, I measured several of the typical "measurement spots" on myself. Talk about depressing...it was NOT pretty.

This morning, two days away from the final day of Boot Camp #2, I measured myself again.

The results? You want to know the results? Well, I won't give specifics, but here are the highlights.

Waist - minus three inches
Upper arms - minus an two inches on each
Thighs - minus one inch from each

There were more, but you get the picture. In the last six weeks, I have lost 13.5 inches total from my body. I feel good about it. I feel like I am one step closer to a "fit Anne", and I know that I am earning it...sweating like a pig, and working hard for every single inch.

13.5 inches...good.

In case you were wondering why I hide things...

The following things were actually said to me this weekend...yes, in the course of 48 hours, these words were said to my face:

"So, are you skinny yet?", then looks me over and says, "Oh." (this was said at church!)

"Well, I guess going to fit camp is showing you just how out of shape you are and how far you have to go."

"Are you going to eat that?"

Nice huh? And to be honest, there was more, but I won't even type them here. I don't care to relive it.

So I write this here and remind myself why I tend to keep things a secret. I said to my hubby, "Next time I decide to do another fit camp, and there will probably be a next time, I am not telling a single person. It's just easier to keep it to myself." Sad, but true. Just like the rudeness about what I eat and how much I eat makes me want to only eat alone and in private, the rude comments and judgements on my progress when I am working so stinking hard towards a better me, simply make me want to keep that a secret too.

Some things are just better kept to myself. Next time, it's between me and my food journal. Period.

Fear?

I was watching Oprah the other day (and NO, I don't watch her much, but I do watch occasionally if I am interested in the topic!) and she had on a past TV talk show hostess who has lost lots of weight with the help of gastric bypass surgery. As she talked, I listened intently, and later found myself deep in thought. She said that she had never in her adult life worn any size that began with the number 1. She had always been plus size, and worn a size 20 or above. It hit me...that is me. Sad, but true, that I have never in my adult life been classified as anything except "Plus Size". She went on to talk about how losing the weight was scary. She wasn't sure who she was without the weight.

The more I think about it, the more there is to this weight loss journey I am on. Just who am I? Do I really know who I am at the core, without the extra pounds? I am not sure. When I take off the mask that I wear...the one that is full of laughter and smiles and exuding the "everything is okay" and "I'm fine with it" mentality...who am I? Star said that she didn't think losing the weight would change her, but it did. She found she didn't have to be funny all of the time for people to notice her. Before, she was funny so people would notice her despite her size. I do that. I laugh and joke and pretend that I am perfectly okay with the way I look, comfortable in my skin, hoping and praying that others might be able to overlook my size and give me a chance.

So who am I? When you strip away all of the excess "baggage", am I still the same Anne I think I know now? This weight loss thing is so much more than I ever imagined.

I have lots to think about.

Debbie Downer

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post this morning, but those were the true and honest feelings I have had today.

Despite the fact that I really don't want to go, I am going to get up tomorrow at 4am, put on my workout clothes and tennis shoes, and drag myself to fit camp (it hasn't been difficult to get up and go until now).

Pray for me...I need it.

Nothing says failure like failure

Three weeks of rising at 4 AM to work out, and not just a wimpy workout.

Three weeks of striving to eat clean and making some big changes to my meals.

Three weeks of mentally encouraging myself, and having a positive attitude.

All cancelled out by one day.

One day of being degraded by another person working out.

One day of disappointing the leader.

One day with a cruddy weigh-in.

One pound lost.

All positivity out the window.

Nothing says failure like failure. Apparently it should be my middle name.

Anne Failure Jones

Sad to say, but today it fits.

Keepin' at it!

I had no idea it had been so long since I posted here. Last time, I was sharing about a moment of temporary insanity when I volunteered to go to friends' day at Boot Camp. Now, just a few weeks later, I am happy to report that I not only lived through it, but I actually enjoyed it enough to sign up for my own six weeks of sweat! I have completed the first two weeks of boot camp without missing a single day. I am claiming that as a success. I think rising at 4AM for two weeks straight is something to be proud of.

I had hoped to start seeing some results about now. You know, after two weeks of hard workouts, I was hoping I would see some changes beginning on this here body of mine. But I don't. So sad. I have been super careful about the things I am eating. After all, I am having to write it all down! If I drink it, I must ink it and if I bite it I must write it. I am eating clean and recording it all in my daily food journal. I am also recording some thoughts and reflections...that is interesting!

As for the workouts, I spend my mornings doing lots of push-ups, crunches, burpees (don't ask!), running, lunges, speed walking, squats (I bet I put in over 200 squats on Friday morning alone!), and spending lots of time in the plank position strengthening my core. It isn't pretty to watch me working out, but I am doing it anyway. I sweat like a horse! YUK!

I am so happy with the encouraging that comes with this camp. Never a discouraging word, but only encouragement from everyone you see. "You can do it", and "Great job", and "You've got this" all around.

I got some interesting feedback in my journal this week. Yes, we have to turn in those silly things for review, and they look at every single word! On EVERY SINGLE PAGE I found the note: Not enough food or You need to eat more food! Well, okay. I never thought they would be writing that on my journal, but they did. Overall, they were pleased with all of my food choices, but just feel like I am not eating enough. So this week, I am working on getting in all six small meals, and continuing to make good clean food choices.

So here I am two weeks in, 100% attendance, eating clean, and I am not noticing a change in my body. Sure, I feel good, but I want some fat to fall off! I am not rising at 4am for nothing!! I am going to focus on not being discouraged, but I have to admit that not seeing results does not keep me motivated.

One day at a time...tomorrow starts week 3. Wish me luck!!

Boot Camp

I am fixing to climb into bed in hopes of a good night's rest. Tomorrow morning I will rise at 4 AM...yes, you read that right...4 AM. I am going with a friend to Boot Camp. It is led by two people in the military, so I have no doubts it will be a tough workout. T-O-U-G-H!!

I am excited about it. It is friends' day, and when she asked if I wanted to come, I jumped at the chance. Funny, huh. Bet you never thought I would be jumping at the chance to get up at 4am and have my tail kicked, but I did.

We will see how it goes. My workout clothes are waiting for me in the bathroom, where I will attempt to get ready and not wake up anyone else at that insane hour of the morning. Shoes and socks are ready to go. I have already filled up my water bottle and it is on the counter near my keys, for a quick escape.

I'm ready......I think!