Fear?

I was watching Oprah the other day (and NO, I don't watch her much, but I do watch occasionally if I am interested in the topic!) and she had on a past TV talk show hostess who has lost lots of weight with the help of gastric bypass surgery. As she talked, I listened intently, and later found myself deep in thought. She said that she had never in her adult life worn any size that began with the number 1. She had always been plus size, and worn a size 20 or above. It hit me...that is me. Sad, but true, that I have never in my adult life been classified as anything except "Plus Size". She went on to talk about how losing the weight was scary. She wasn't sure who she was without the weight.

The more I think about it, the more there is to this weight loss journey I am on. Just who am I? Do I really know who I am at the core, without the extra pounds? I am not sure. When I take off the mask that I wear...the one that is full of laughter and smiles and exuding the "everything is okay" and "I'm fine with it" mentality...who am I? Star said that she didn't think losing the weight would change her, but it did. She found she didn't have to be funny all of the time for people to notice her. Before, she was funny so people would notice her despite her size. I do that. I laugh and joke and pretend that I am perfectly okay with the way I look, comfortable in my skin, hoping and praying that others might be able to overlook my size and give me a chance.

So who am I? When you strip away all of the excess "baggage", am I still the same Anne I think I know now? This weight loss thing is so much more than I ever imagined.

I have lots to think about.