Still...

Still fat.

Still frustrated.

Still mad.

Still wanting change.

Still determined.

Still hoping.

Still trying.

I made it!

I made it to the gym this week. Not as many times as I had hoped, but I made it nonetheless!

I am super sore...and it is exciting! :)

Back At It

I can't wait for school to start! Natalie will be starting Kindergarten, and Levi will be my big boy in the two's class at Mother's Day Out. They are ready, which makes it easy to say I am ready :)

I am ready for many reasons...but one of them relates directly to this little blog. The first day of school will also be my first day back on a routine. This summer, with our move, I have fallen off of the wagon so-to-speak, not to mention that I cannot afford to pay for childcare for both of them 3-5 times a week! YIKES!! I haven't made it to the gym like I had hoped, but I have not lost hope!

I am jumping back on the wagon, and I will find a new normal...a new routine for myself. I will be watching even more closely the things I put into my body, and I will be back to checking the calendar for opportunities to work out at the gym. So here's to school starting, and here's to a new routine, and a new chance to learn to love me even more!

Thanks Alot

Today I was in a local business making a purchase for Natalie. As I was checking out, the lady behind the counter says to me,

"Is this for the new baby on the way?"

What?!? New Baby on the way?!?!?

Though I wanted to shout "I AM NOT PREGNANT!!", I refrained and simply replied, "This is for Miss Natalie for her room!"

Being fat is hard...

I'm a loser, and I don't mean the good kind

I wish I could say I was a loser, and mean that I was losing weight. Who knows, I might be, but I am seriously doubting it. I haven't been on the scales for some time, and honestly, I haven't made it to the gym in a couple of weeks.

We have some BIG stuff going on around our house, and I haven't made the gym a priority. Once the 'stuff' clears out a little, I fully intend to make it back to the gym! Really, I mean it!

For now, I ma trying not to lose any ground I had already covered, and I am trying to make smart choices about food. Folks, that isn't easy with big stuff brewing, but I am trying and that counts for something.

So basically, all of this makes me a loser: one who hasn't posted in some time because there is nothing worth posting!

Sorry! hopefully soon I can be back to my motivated self! Until then, just pray for me, will ya?

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been around much...it's May and I am just trying to make it through!

Hopefully I will be back soon with some good news about lost pounds or something. Until then, I need to pay attention to what I am putting into my mouth!

FYI

It is May...an emotional charged month for me. I hate May. I mean, I love the spring, and I love the end of school fun, and I love hanging out with my family, but I hate May. May is a month of memories...hard and painful memories of losing Carson.

It makes me want to eat. That's what I do...I eat to soothe my emotions. I eat when I am sad, and I eat when I am angry, and I eat when I am disappointed, and I eat when I have the blues...let's face it, I am an emotional eater.

But not this May. I am going to try to be intentional about minding my appetite and the urge to eat. I am going to try to fill the moments with other things besides eating. We will see how it goes!