Graduation Day

Today was graduation day...number 6 for me. I was up at 4:00 to be ready and get there on time. I arrived, awake and ready to receive my graduation dog tags! Yippee...graduating again. I stood with my team...the Warriors...as we got our tags and were encouraged about the last six weeks of working together. I laughed, I was nearly in tears, and I was full of joy as I sat watching friends and new-found-fit camp-family receive their awards for the losing the most weight, having perfect attendance, winning the strong man/woman competitions, being voted the most improved...it was beautiful. There was a huge surprise for me this morning, though. I was nominated for and was voted "Most Inspirational" by fellow fit campers. Can you believe it...most inspirational...me?! I could have cried, but instead chose to smile. I am quite sure my face said it all.

I've always thought that there was so much more to fit camp than the physical benefits. This journey is SO MUCH MORE than that for me. It is physical, it is mental, it is emotional. It is not about being the best, but about being the best me. It is about reaching out to others on this journey and encouraging them right where they are. It is about reminding my fellow teammates (and myself) that it isn't about the destination, but about the journey, and that we must claim each victory, big and small, along the way.

I never thought I was doing much to inspire others...I mean really, there are days when I can barely drag myself out of bed. Certainly not inspirational! I'm never the fastest, or best, or even the most graceful. In fact, I am usually the slowest, last, and most awkward...not inspirational! But apparently, someone was touched by my efforts. Something I did or said touched another. I'll never know exactly how or what, but it did.

I think this award has done a few things for me. First, I feel good about myself. I am happy that I have been able to inspire someone else. Second, I want to continue to inspire those around me. Whether it be through words, or actions, or both, I want to keep encouraging and inspiring people. And last but certainly not least, I want to find those who encourage and inspire me and tell them so! It meant the world this morning for me to hear that I had done that for someone else, and I would love to pass that feeling on. I want to say thank you! I want others to know the difference they are making in my life.

I challenge you to do the same. Inspire, and be inspired!

One Minute

Yesterday was the final PT test for this Fit Camp. I gave it my best...huffing and puffing as I trotted my mile. At the end, I had met the challenge time given by my coach. I was glad. Then I came home and compared yesterday's time to my mile time from six weeks ago, at the beginning of this camp. I took one minute off of my time...one whole minute off of my one mile trot time. I am still in shock about it, but it makes me smile.

Interesting Stats

I just got on the Wii Fit for the first time in quite a long while. I decided I would do the Body Test just for kicks...though I will admit I expected bad news. I hopped on the board, pushed the button, and waited. When it was through analyzing me, the results were better than I expected. It said since my last time on the board, I have lost 18.5 pounds, and 3.5% body fat.

I'll take it!

Small Changes

I made a recent discovery....shaving my legs is getting easier. It is so much simpler to shave muscular calves that it was to shave fat, jiggly calves. MUCH easier! A small change, but a noticeable one.

You may now return to your day!

Shame

Yesterday I ran into an old friend. She is a friend I made years ago, as we were first beginning our little family, but one that I only see on occasion. We ran into each other in a local store, and it was fabulous to see her again. She looked fabulous! I mean it, she really looked great. Since I had last seen her she has lost about 100 pounds. She looks amazing now, and I am so happy for her.

I am really and truly happy for her...but I am so sad for me. You see, as she was telling me about her weight loss, I stood there wondering why I couldn't do it. Why is this something that I continue to fail at, time and time again? Will I ever get it right and lose the weight?

I stood there thinking that there was no way I could tell her that I work out each day, rising at 4:30 am to get in at least one hour of workout before my day begins. I couldn't tell her because my body doesn't show it. My body still looks the same...no one would ever look at me and think that I worked out 5 days per week...serious sweating. I was ashamed. I was so ashamed that I didn't mention it at all, but kept the focus on her and how fabulous she looked, and it worked. It was all about her, and it was safe.

Shame...it's a terrible place to find yourself. I cannot hide this body I have. It is a public sign of weakness and imperfection...and I am ashamed of it.

I have a few weeks off from my typical workout routine. I will continue to work out on my own at home, but my focus will be more on getting my thoughts and my heart in shape. When I see others out and about, I want to feel confidence, and I want to be able to tell them about my hard work. I want to not feel ashamed of the way I look, or of my failure at losing the weight. I want to be okay with myself, knowing that I am working hard.

Almost more important than the weight that has got to go, the shame has got to go. Now how do I do that?

Break

I am taking a break. You won't see me here for a while. I have already deactivated my facebook account, and will be stepping back from the computer for a bit. Don't ask why...it's a shame.

Measure

I decided that I would measure my body, since weighing on the scales didn't seem to encourage me. I thought just maybe if I saw some shrinkage in the numbers, I would realize that all of this hard work is paying off, even if the pounds are not melting off as fast as I had hoped.

Six weeks ago, when Boot Camp session #2 began, I measured several of the typical "measurement spots" on myself. Talk about depressing...it was NOT pretty.

This morning, two days away from the final day of Boot Camp #2, I measured myself again.

The results? You want to know the results? Well, I won't give specifics, but here are the highlights.

Waist - minus three inches
Upper arms - minus an two inches on each
Thighs - minus one inch from each

There were more, but you get the picture. In the last six weeks, I have lost 13.5 inches total from my body. I feel good about it. I feel like I am one step closer to a "fit Anne", and I know that I am earning it...sweating like a pig, and working hard for every single inch.

13.5 inches...good.